Last day of school

It's quite sad.

I have always wanted this day to come, but I guess not so much anymore.

I want to leave all the homework and studies behind. But my friends I do not wish to leave.

I know I will see most of them soon or maybe in a couple of years, but it is not the same.

Having them around, going through the same ordeal. These are the moments in life that I do not wish to leave behind. If I could, I would replay the last day of classes and the last day of year 12 over and over and over again. And I'd still feel the sadness and sorrows and excitement I shared with my 200+ cohort of year 12s.

Class of 2010, Brentwood Secondary College. I'm proud of all of you and I'm so glad that I got to share the memories and feelings throughout the year, Forever will you guys be remembered..

Blah!

I'd love to say "I Love You" but if I'm going to get in the way of things, perhaps it's better off if I didn't say those three words, even if it were to be successful. If things worked out I wouldn't mind, but how can we predict the future? That something around the corner we will never know, just like how my hearts knocking on the doorsteps of yours, but I do not know whats inside. For now I will take 3 steps back, and focus on the little things, or perhaps my studies.

Believe

Show me a sign, anything, I don't care what it may be, just give me a sign to believe in..

Waste of time

Feels like blogging is a waste of time, a time to waste the minutes and seconds that we all treasure, or even in certain circumstances, hate it. But then again, these moments in life let me reflect and evaluate my circumstances. The times that I day dream about a better day, or about the things that might happen later in life, these are the times which you will find the real me.

The inner thoughts which are kept so deep inside me are released and you soon come to realise, that I'm not that strong, I'm not that independent. Because the feelings deep down are something meaningful and thought out carefully. I don't blog because I have to, I blog because I can't contain this jar full of thoughts and dreams. So in the end, its a win win situation, you learn about me, I escape from the pressures that I face both internally and externally.

Thank You.

Damn It

God Damn, I miss that feeling.

That just makes me want to break through the ceiling, touch the sky as my heart flies.

And the days that just make it hard to say good bye.

Its a part of me thats missing, not the hugging or the kissing,

Thats not important to me, I just want to live a life full of simple melodies,

Played by a beautiful symphony, No more feelings of melancholy.

Wear a smile on my dial, that doesn't stay just for a while,

Happiness following me for more than a mile, fly to the moon and back,

You're hearts the moon, and I'm a rocket ship flying and thats a fact.

Mathematics

Isn't it 1 + 1 = 2 ?

If this be the case, this to be true,

Does it not mean we should take a chance?

Make each other's heart sing with joy,

And the urge to just dance,

In awe and in harmony.

Its a wild world

I'm not sure how I feel today. I really don't it's strange. I can't put it into words, I can't make a picture out of it, it's totally different and its something new to me. Possibly, it could be the same feeling I felt a while ago, something which made me happy, note, that doesn't mean i'm not happy at this very moment.

I just want to dance, express my emotions in motion. If not, a picture, if only I was Picasso with the mind of Leonardo, and I'd paint you a picture of the greatest things in life. Something meaningful, nothing fruitless. This barricade that I feel, holding me back, its fear. This same old fear has returned to me, I want to run away from it, but it hunts me down like a tiger.

Maybe time will tell, maybe time will be my friend. Its always maybe when the mind is in doubt, a frame of mind that I most certainly dislike. I cannot turn words into actions and actions into success. I want to be an Entrepreneur of your heart, make it bigger and make it full of happiness and joy, my only goal in life. But like all businessmen, I must start small but where do I take the first step? Left? Right? Forward? Backwards? Hopefully not backwards, I've been down that road far too many times, one time too many. It's time to change.

Simple things matter to me,

Like how the rivers meet the open sea,

A new journey into larger space,

And I will not be afraid of the conflict I may face.

The complexity of life is a bore,

And the hustle and bustle make it hard to stand tall,

But I will not concede and stand down,

I will face this world with anything but a frown.

Stand next to me and I'll teach you the meaning of life,

The good, the bad and the daily strifes,

And each time you fall,

I'll make sure I'm the one you will always call.

An Illusion?

It feels like I don't even know you anymore. This side of you is so different, why? Why have you changed in such a short while, a couple of days? Not even! It happened in a couple of hours! I don't get it! Your reason to fight, your reason to argue, it doesn't even make sense to me! It just seems so outrageous, come to your senses already! Wake up! Life isn't a game, you're thinking you can do anything, anything you want. Why won't you open your eyes, its not a game, its not. You want to injure a life, just so it makes you happy. It's brave to go into a fight, but it takes more courage to walk away. There's nothing to prove, nothing at all, we already respect you, we already know what you are capable of. Its not needed, the violence, it never solves anything. Let's not start World War 3, its not needed in a world which needs peace, love and most importantly forgiveness. Come on, I know there's good in you, come to your senses already..

Chances

Looking back into the past, I had so many opportunities to excel in things which I chose to do and in life in general. But people held me back, I will not name names, but the things I gave up and sacrificed, has actually impacted me till this very day. I'm not saying I regret, I'm not implying anything bad either, It's just the decisions I've made have made my life different. From my point of view, it has it's bad and good points. The bad; many wasted hours and days over nothing. The good; made me stronger and as a person, I've learned about myself more and to appreciate the little things in life. But the chances I've given up, have taught me otherwise.

I shouldn't let things or people get in my way of securing these chances, because not every opportunity comes often, if not always they are usually once in a blue moon. Learn from my mistakes, learn to take these chances, I can guarantee you that they would be worth while and if not life changing.

Ever since I opened my eyes to the bigger picture, I've learned and come to appreciate life as it is, but I cannot seem to succumb to people, people who are gifted and talented, to not take full advantage of what they have. To doubt themselves, to bring themselves down, I cannot help but the feel a part of myself to break and to feel pain. When people only see from their eyes, hear from their ears, speak from their mouths and to think with their mind, they only see part of the picture, as if each part of our body is a piece of a puzzle.

But when you speak, think, listen and see with your heart, you will experience a whole new dimension and you complete the Jig Saw puzzle. Not only will you learn to love and appreciate yourself and the people around you, the decisions you make become clearer and more worth while. So my message to you people who read my blog, I say;

"Use your heart when you choose to make a decision, because a human mind is so full of faults"

curiosity

I'm curious about the things that can change a human being, from a close relationship to a relationship which seems so non-existent. And to the absurdity that it can happen in almost an instance, whether it be a few words or even a blog like this. Just ranting or a means of expressing my feelings and thoughts, that it could change my life so dramatically or a change so small which I don't realise or condolence it. This may be my most mature blog, because I myself have many questions which I try to ask myself and answer myself, the nature of humans is it ever changing and shaped by words and actions from our peers or surroundings, a change which impacts ourselves, if not all of us? Humans are so full of faults, and even the knowledge and acceptance of this statement does not even allow us to forgive one another. The knowledge of knowing that us humans, make mistake after mistakes yet we fail to forgive others. And the irony being that we expect others to forgive us but we're so blinded by our egos and expectations which shields us from our kindness and forgiveness. Why can not we put our differences aside and take the moment to talk, the nature of humans is so puzzling and not even the brightest of man kind can solve this puzzle, the pieces are infinite.

rahrahrah.

what theeee fux. yes. three words to sum up my past 2 hours. what theeee fux.

yes, its the last day of school. yes, we won our basketball match by 20 points. but no.

my ps3 has to die AGAIN, sent it off to playstation not long ago and now... its dead, paid $250 and they didn't fix shit. This is outrageous. Furthermore, i have no fucking clue what to do in the holidays. Doesn't seem like its going to be a pleasant holiday.

RAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAH

RAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAH

RAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAH

Images speak a thousand words

I Suppose..

Two days in a row, As soon as I reach the traffic lights and wait patiently to cross, It starts to drizzle and eventually rain. It is like.. the rain follows me, mimics my exact same feeling, cold and somewhat empty and the rain is there to try and fill me back up.

It's not working, but I'm trying to piece it together.

note to all; new song will be written soon.

Oh My.

Oh My Lord.

I have an ulcer which is driving me insane ! I don't need it, I already feel like a million things are on my shoulder and a billion things on my mind.

It's not pleasant the week prior to today, its been.. tiring, stressful, has its ups and downs, and I'm glad I've made it through today. But this ulcer, near my GUM, hurts like a mother fucker when I eat stuff, especially kiwi fruit!

Tomorrow isn't going to be pleasant, a 3 hour GAT, I'm going to be bored out of my mind !

But I have to say, life of a year 12 student is somewhat entertaining but.. my social life has totally gone down the drain !

I can honestly say, with out regret, I wish I had year 10 back in my life as how I want it to be with no one by my side who dictates my feelings.

Raindrops

We all fall like raindrops in a storm,

But then the sun comes out,

Lifts us back to our feet,

Theres no one else you need,

Let me be the soft white clouds,

A soft white pillow to cry on.

Unit 3 Exams

Good Luck to All Year 12s !

Life is too short to be small.

A top Song to End the Month s2

Jason Derulo Getaway

Take Your time and Listen, some of you could relate to this.

The Week Ahead of Me...

Honestly.. I'm absolutely fucked for next week, please mind the language, I'm just fucking stressed out.

The full of effect of year 12 is starting to get to me. Mid Year Chemistry Exam in about 2 weeks, I'm not fully prepared.

The week ahead, Methods SAC and Further SAC, which both, I'm fucked for.

Further teacher seriously, is S-H-I-T. She can't teach, and I don't know whats going on, I have to self-teach myself in order to learn.

Fuck This Shit.

What's to come.

I'm afraid of the near future, afraid of methods.

Today at tutor, my mind had a complete melt-down.

A Complete BRAIN-FUCK.

Screw this !

Anything to do with screws, forget it.

I'm the master of stripping screws and I can do nothing about it.

Its frustrating, but oh wells, at least my dad can get them out!

luckily..

Appearances

So I got my haircut on Friday & already, I've been told I look like a kid.

Damn haircuts, short hair apparently makes me look really young, so I suppose I should stick to long hair!

So saddening, that I look so young, but I will have the final laugh!

While you wrinkle, I'll be young looking with supple skin haha.

Okay, this has got to be the gayest blog I have made.

Peace out.

Moon vs Sun

I Wouldn't Mind if this was a daily spectacle,

Within the cold breeze of winter,

But its not, its dull, its wet,

Leaves brown and ugly.

Its not beautiful, not even close,

But if it were true,

The moon battling the sun,

For the position in the sky,

I'd definitely always hold my head up high.

Cold Air

Damn, its so cold,

Hands are freezing.

Finger tips white as snow,

Body beneath 3 layers of clothes.

Birds barely in the air,

Nothing but fallen leaves,

Like fallen soldiers,

In fallen snow.

Magic!

If only I could magically transform my Civic into that :(

My Friend

Although the signs point to no,

Theres nothing stopping you,

From something that might grow,

You might end up feeling brand new.

Its a chance you ought to take,

My friend, don't let it bring you down,

We'll all be here even if you go through heartache,

Let us all turn that frown around.

I Choose You, Then Blame.

You always do this, not once or twice, but ALWAYS. Its fucking annoying. You always give someone else the task, and when they do something wrong, even if its a small problem, you blame them and take it to the next level. Calling them useless, constantly repeating the problem, as if once isn't enough to get the message across. Instead of blaming, why don't you try accomplish your own tasks, fuck, you think you're king or something.

Positivity

They say positive thinking goes far,

It is true what they say, indeed it does,

it does wonders for the mind, body & soul.

Not only is it interpersonal,

a positive ambiance, glow or shine,

its contagious, people around you slowly shine as well.

Today, we visited the Carlton Brewery, pretty cool I must say, the smell of warm beer filled the room, that was disgusting. But the sounds of glass knocking together, filling of beer and bottle caps being placed on top was quite interesting. The spectacle of MILLIONS! of beer bottles being transferred from one side of the factory to the other was simply amazing, mankind has seriously outdone itself, you could say we're too advanced for our own good!

I must say, the downside to today was... ONE period of class after the excursion, what downer! and also... this person who I must say, probably has had a grudge on me since year 7. I don't even know what I've done! Oh wells, they obviously haven't taken the time to know me, and to even say Singapore is a state of Malaysia? PLEASEEEEEEE, if Singapore was a state of Malaysia, please tell me why Singapore is classified as a COUNTRY, use logic when you speak and then everyone will be happy.

As an ending;

"A smile may last a while on a face, but a smile is everlasting in the heart"

A While Back.

I sit here, picturing my future,

It's still not clear,

An unpolished diamond,

Within the midst of laughter and tears.

I'm not sure, what is that asked of me,

Am I supposed to sit here, Dreaming?

Watch a snail crawl along,

Leaving a trail, in the sun glistening.

You can imagine, A sorrowful smile,

Desperate to search and capture,

A life yet to fulfil,

Staring blankly at a mirror with fractures.

Pieces falling off, one by one,

You could already say,

The man ontop, The supremacy,

Has already won.

Dictator of minds, but not soul,

Nor has he captured my heart,

I Will live, life as it is,

Please, do not tear it apart.

Sweat

I feel extremely normal, when I do my nightly routine of 30mins work out.

The ab crunches, the bicep curls, the variations of push ups.

Eventually breaking a sweat, eventually feeling human again.

What lays in front of us

At the sight of Love, do you choose to run away and act as a coward?

or face it, and nurture it so it loves you back?

Time

We choose not to speak of evil, but yet we choose to speak of time,

ultimately,

does time not undo all things beautiful?

Creation of a Man

A Man is not what he thinks,

not what he says,

but what he does with his hands and legs and with his heart.

Rain..

Today, was the first day it rained quite heavily in a while.

The rain poured, it crashed, it pitter-pattered on the roof.

I was inside, doing a SAC, business management to be precise.

To be honest, it was quite relaxing, to hear it rain heavily and the occasional thunder going BOOM.

Rain is the creator, the destroyer, the sympathetic and punisher at the same time.

It marvels me. It creates flowers after a rainfall, destroys land as it falls.

Provides water, provides a means of personal hygiene and...

a make-up for tears..

School

So... I'm really over school, like really, really, really, really, really, really, really OVER it. Just like I am pretty much over everything else which is tedious and time consuming. But I must persevere, push on and try hard, so that everything else in the future will fall into place. HOPEFULLY.

I'm not sure why I've suddenly come into a blogging craze, I suppose it gives me time to reflect and to release my inner emotions. I've always been the one to bottle it up, and eventually release it to whom I choose, always to the person whom I trust the most and actually cares, i think...

Anyways.. Time to hit the books again, another long day ahead of me.

Hope.

Hope is like a little child who must be cared for and clothed and fed each day, and when hope is destroyed, it is as if the child has died, despite all the care and love.

Maybe all along...

I've only began to think about this, realise something so important, someone who has always been there. You've been there, for the past 4 years. It's amazing how much crap you put up with me, the stories I told you, the stuff that happened, the poems I write, you read them all. Even when I was so harsh, told you we shouldn't talk... oh what a mistake that was.. If I could turn back time, i'd make you mine, even if people have strange ideas and opinions about you. It doesn't matter, you're someone who has always been there.. I've been so blind, and it seems too late now. I feel like such a fool, for the things i've done. It started off with a simple song. If you read this, you'll know who you are, definitely! I don't know how sorry I am for being such a terrible friend at times.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to put it into words,
Maybe, in time, words will turn into actions,
actions into forgiveness, just a maybe.
Maybe all along, all this time,

It should have been you and I,

I asked difficult questions, Which I could not answer,
But in fact, you answered them for me,
Without me realizing it, the answer all along..
Was right in front of my eyes,

It was You all along... Has luck run out?

Will time be my enemy and say its over....?

Encountering Conflict.

Conflict is the essence of life. Honestly, what is life without conflict? Do we not learn from our mistakes? Learn from encountering conflict? Do we not? Are opinions and beliefs not derived from conflict? How can one be who he or she is if one had a perfect life, sheltered from conflict? Essentially, conflict is what makes this world spin, humans think and interact and nature doing its thing. Has conflict not helped me write this paragraph? I ask you these questions, to make you think about the conflicts you have encountered. Have we just not encountered conflict, just be reading my opinions? I'm pretty sure we have. Conflict is life, life is conflict.

Why Do I Write?

I write to be different, to kill time cos it seems like it goes so slow. Life isn't friendly to me, but I manage to pull through okay, i manage to be me after all this time. Seeing people change, but I have decided to stay the way I am, don't try to change me. This will be me, till the very end of time. Accept it and i'll learn to accept our differences. I'm not making this up, not at all.

I like to write... I like to express myself, in a way that people would usually not manage to find the time to do so. Or simply... just to escape from reality, create stories, create a meaningful paragraph. Or maybe.. it's the call of an empty soul, an empty heart. Maybe that is the case, but i'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything anymore.

It's year 12, 2010 is the year which will decide my future. A good ATAR score will take me far, a shit one will take me down a path of hardwork and long hours. Hopefully I can balance the lifestyle of a hardworking Year 12 student. Studies and partying since everyone is starting to turn 18 years old. Party hard one day, need to study hard another.

I managed to have a good night last night, I had fun. Met new people and they were older than me, well of course, I managed to get into a lounge bar. Everyone else was in university or at tafe, either way, they were older than me. Some of the girls there were really nice, oh and did I mention, beautiful as well? Too bad they're older, and i'm just another kid walking around somewhere, where I shouldn't be till i am 18. soon though. soon.

maybe this is the s tart of something new, i'll start writing in my blog, express my feelings, my day. maybe i no longer will write songs, or poems, cos really.. no one reads them but me.

take care to anyone who reads this :)